Can You Co-Sleep and Sleep Train?

I get it. I really do. After all, I’m a mom myself. There’s just something so beautiful about sleeping next to your baby, that it almost seems crazy not to. Or at least that’s how some of you may have felt up until the first week or two of co-sleeping. Then it was more like, “Listen, I love you, you love me. But I can’t sleep next to someone who resembles a drunk octopus.”

I have plenty of friends who co-sleep and who swear by it. Power to them. I do want you to educate yourself on the risks from a safety standpoint but the decision is ultimately yours of course. But I’ve spoken to more than a few parents who are big on co-sleeping but are still being woken up by feet in their face or thumbs in their eyes several times a night and want to know if sleep training will get their little ones to stop squirming or waking up fifteen times a night to nurse. Which, for the record, your 18-month-old does not need to do. I really wish I had a more satisfying answer for those parents because I really do sympathize.I understand wanting to have your cake and eat it too. Sleep next to your baby but have them not wake you up repeatedly through the night. That would be magical, no question.

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Unfortunately, it’s not really all that likely for a couple of reasons. One, toddlers are often very active sleepers. It’s just a fact.They twist and turn and readjust themselves a thousand times a night and will often end up completely on the other side of the bed with their feet towards the headboard. Two, your baby thinks you’re just the greatest. When they wake up in the night and see you lying next to them, they get excited. They want you to interact with them so they try to engage with you.  They see you and know that your mama’s milk is comforting and they’ll have to do very little work to go back to sleep.  So why can’t sleep training alleviate this? Simply put, because it’s not a sedative. Sleep training is all about teaching your baby the skills to fall back to sleep on their own when they wake up in the night. That’s a slight simplification, but at its core, that’s what we’redoing. We’re not doing anything that will get your baby to fall into stage 3 sleep and stay there for a solid 11 hours. That’s a job for Ambien, and there are obvious reasons why we’re not going down that road!

So while it’s possible that you could see some success in your child’s sleep habits by teaching them to fall back to sleep without your help, you’re not likely to see the same kind of results you will if you get them sleeping in their own bed, in their own room, without any distractions.For those of you who are leery about giving up those nighttime cuddles, I have a suggestion that might help. Set aside 15 minutes every morning, after your kids are out of bed and well-rested, and bring them into your bed. Cuddle them,play with them, sing some songs, whatever their hearts desire. You can both still enjoy the closeness and familial bond that comes with sharing a bed without waking each other up all night long. If you’ve already been co-sleeping for quite a while and have decided it’s time to reclaim your bedroom, but your little one has other ideas, please don’t hesitate to get in touch. I’ve worked with families to get them through this exact scenario with great success and I can help yours too.