WILL MY NEWBORN RUIN MY OLDER CHILD'S SLEEP?

First off, congratulations! You’ve either just welcomed a new baby into the house, or you’re about to shortly. But now you’re concerned that this new arrival might undo all of the hard work in getting your older child to sleep well.

The truth is that bringing a new baby into the house is very likely to impact your older child’s sleep habits in one way or another, and there are a couple of reasons why.

1. Your newborn is going to wake up numerous times a night and make some noise

2. Your toddler may become jealous of the new baby.

So let’s look at number one first. There’s going to be a noise factor when your newborn wakes up crying for nighttime feeds and there’s nothing that can be done about that. Your best bet here, if possible, is to keep your newborn in your room and get your toddler into their own room preferably down a hallway as far away as possible from your newborn’s sleeping area. A white noise machine can also be a huge help to drown out the noise!

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Depending on their age and comprehension skills, it’s also a great idea to just have a conversation with your toddler about the fact that their sibling is going to wake up crying in the night sometimes, and let them know it’s nothing to worry about. It’s just something that newborn babies do, and that mom or dad will be helping baby when that happens.

That’s the easy one. Number two is going to require a little more work. Unless you’re exceptionally lucky, your toddler is going to get jealous of their sibling and that jealousy is likely going to cause a regression, prompting your toddler to crave the comforts they enjoyed when they were the new kid on the block. Such as...

● More requests for cuddles
● If they’re in a big kid bed, they may ask to go back into the crib
● They might want to sleep in your bed or in your room
● Neediness and clinginess during the bedtime routine

The most common reason this can affect sleep is because one or both of the parents start feeling guilty about the fact that they don’t have the time and energy to dedicate to both children, so they try to compensate by making exceptions, and those exceptions frequently show up around bedtime. Extra stories, longer cuddles, getting into bed with them, and so on.

Let me just say, I get it. Parental guilt is real, and we’ll do almost anything to ensure our kids know that they’re loved, cherished, and secure. But here’s one of my favorite quotes about toddlers:

“Toddlers are like little night watchmen. They go around checking all the doors, but don’t really want to find any of them open.”

Kids of this age test boundaries like crazy, but they don’t test them in the hopes that they’ve moved, they test them to ensure that they’re still in place. It gives them a sense of security to know that the rules and expectations surrounding them are constant and predictable.

I know it doesn’t feel that way sometimes, but I can assure you that the more you give in to those demands, the more they’ll ask for. It often gets to the point where your toddler feels like they’re running the show, and that can actually be very distressing for them. They feel much more secure and relaxed with the confidence that their parents are in control.

So if and when this situation comes up, I would recommend that you keep everything around bedtime exactly as it was before the new baby showed up. Same bedtime, same bedtime routine, same number of stories, same sleeping conditions.

During the day, however, is when you can make a big difference for your child! I would suggest carving out a chunk of time reserved just for your toddler. It doesn’t have to be long, even 10-15 minutes is great, but make sure that your attention is focused solely on them. Let them decide what they want to do with the time, and just smother them with love and attention. This “you-and-me” time works wonders in reassuring your older child that they’re still at the center of your universe. Take other even smaller opportunities throughout the day or evening to read a book, snuggle, play with legos, or whatever your child likes to do.

Remember, when that sense of guilt starts to creep in, you’re not being a bad parent by refusing to bend to your toddler’s will. You’re doing what’s best for them!

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